The online orders
were trilling, the phones were ringing, pizzas were flying out of the
oven, and drivers were running to keep up with the rush. Shouts were
called out every two or three minutes: “Run up!” or “Clear!
Three minutes!” or “Bubble!” In the middle of everything, a
coworker paused, "Have you ever delivered to the banana?" I
gasped in surprise, "Yes, I have! Is that where you're going?"
In the pizza
delivery business we meet a variety of folk from all different walks
of life. In my four years with Dominos Pizza I've definitely had my
share of the crazy. I've had a woman hiding behind a cracked door,
covered in a blanket; a house with no lights at all; children running
out to hug me; customers angry that I need to see their credit card
with identification; and I've visited several strip clubs. But
delivering to the banana man tops them all.
For each delivery
our drivers have a printed tag with all of the customer's information
on it: order, name, address, phone number, etc. There is also a
section for special directions to assist the driver to arrive in a
timely manner. There are notes like "second house on the left"
or "walk path to side of house." When customers order
online, they have complete control over what is written in that
section. Customers have been using this feature as their own personal
creative outlet. We get some interesting directions since this has
become more popular; sing all opera at the door, roar like a bear,
wear your wedding dress. We consider ourselves to be a fun bunch, so
we try to humor them whenever we can. Most of the time the directions
will tell us to draw something on the pizza box. I once drew a pretty
rockin' T-Rex with a jet pack. I was proud of it, anyway.
One day I picked up
a delivery order and the directions on the tag read, "Do not
feed banana." I stared at it for a few seconds, wondering if I
had read it right. I shared it with my coworkers, trying to find more
information on if it was serious or not. Maybe they had a dog named
Banana? Finally, I just decided I would see what it meant when I got
there. That sort of thing happens a lot: I'll get directions on a
delivery tag that make no sense whatsoever, until I arrive on
location and everything becomes clear. So I took the banana delivery.
It was a house I've
delivered to several times before. It's just a bunch of college
students renting together. They're always nice. I knocked on the door
and waited for my mystery to be solved. When the door opened, I found
myself face to face with not a dog named Banana, but a grown man
(young adult, I suppose) in a children's banana costume. There was a
brief moment of us just looking at each other, I in shock, he in
expectation. He then reached his arms out frantically for the food,
silently wanting me to hand it over. Of course, I had my directions
and they were now very clear. I pulled back the food and said, “I
have been directed not to feed you.” His eyes went down and he
slumped in sadness, but then perked up again and once more tried
reaching for the food. As he did so, someone came running around the
corner, pushing the banana-man away and screaming, "NO! No,
Banana! No food for you! You do not get pizza. Get back! Go away!"
The banana-man ran away in terror and I completed the transaction
with the mostly normal, non-banana-man, receiving a lovely five
dollar tip for playing along.
